Do As I Say, Not As I Do

As previously blogged, explaining anything to anybody with an ounce of computer literacy that rapidly evaporates when it comes to using said computer, is a very long drawn out, ultimately pointless exercise and a complete waste of time.

Customer has a computer, a computer that proudly states 2002 on its front screen. So old it's amazing it hasn't already died the amount of time it spends in transit between home and our workbench. It came in because it blue-screens and generates random STOP codes.

The PC blue-screens because it has conflicting software - Threatfire, a program that "features innovative real-time behavioral technology that provides powerful protection against both known and unknown viruses, worms, trojans, etc", AVG and the real-time protection feature of Ad-Aware along with a bunch of other useless crap known as the toolbars and Registy Mechanic, Tune-Up Utilities. Therefore it's a mystery as to how this computer actually managed to get to a desktop.

Anyway the problem is solved, leave Threatfire on and put nothing else on. Customer takes it home, Security Center tells them there is no anti-virus on it, they download Spyware Doctor with AntiVirus, and therefore the entire cycle starts again. One can only wonder; if the Windows Security Center told you to jump off a cliff, would you go and do it?

The Fortune Teller

The key information is this: The new Windows 7 is, as I write, due out on October 22nd 2009. No pricing information as of this writing is available.

Customer: "How much will Windows 7 cost?"
Me: "It's not out yet so I don't know."
Customer: "It's free isn't it at the moment?"
Me: "No, it's a Release Candidate that expires next year."
Customer: "When will you know how much it costs?"
Me: "As it's not released yet, no."
Customer: "Will it work the same as Vista? Even if I replace the computer?"
Me: "*perplexed* Yes."

This was then followed by the really rather common conversation that occurs quite frequently:

"What's the biggest processor I can put in my motherboard?"
"I don't know because I haven't seen your board."
"Well I had it done here. It's a Fox Com [their pronunciation, not my typing]."
"But we've done lots of Foxconn boards. Bring the model number in and we'll have a look."

My guess is we won't see them again for a month.

Ironic...

A doctor, cannot send faxes from the fax machine. It wasn't plugged into the phone line.
A user cannot get a picture on their screen. The monitor doesn't work.
Somebody physically broke the USB ports on the case and then wondered why they didn't work.

The Case Of The Disappearing Software...

Absolutely adamant that they've had nothing to do with it, somebody's internet security package somehow went totally bye-bye. Software does not disappear on its own, so either it was uninstalled, purged or whatever. Problem is sorted, they have it back. One phone call 90 minutes later, it turns out all the stuff that's somehow deleted itself has ended up in the Recycle Bin and the missing software is there too, though of course simply restoring it back wasn't an option.

After a basic explanation of how the Windows Recycle Bin's "first in, first purged" ideology worked, customer now decides they won't delete anything from it "in case it screws up the internet security". Any program that's running from the Recycle Bin isn't going to be running very long, though surprisingly this system is still running, but how long for is going to be anybody's guess as it'll only be a matter of time before key files end up in the Recycle Bin as well.

Ink

Typical conversation:

Them: "I want some ink for a Lexmark (printer model). It looks like those (pointing at some non-Lexmark cartridges)".
Us: "According to Lexmark they don't make that particular model."
Them: "Oh. (one phone call later) It is a Lexmark ".
Us: "But that model only takes ribbons or toners. Not 'normal' cartridges."
Them: "I'll go have a look, be back in five."

Twenty minutes later:

Them: "It's a Lexmark (printer model that's totally different from the original request)".

This conversation has been known to occur during purchase of ink for a printer the customer doesn't even have. Apparently Epson ink fits inside Canon printers, etc. The strange thing is printers have their model number stuck on the top, on the box, flagged up everything you print something... and they don't even know what brand of printer it is never mind model.